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Wearable Food

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Where the money I should be spending on updating my wardrobe actually ends up going:  Whole Foods seafood department

Anyone who has ever had the displeasure of buying clothing with me will know I am not a shopper by nature. Put me in a clothing store and I turn into a 14 year old boy whose mom is forcing  him to try on new carpenter jeans from Old Navy: petulant, whiny, and in desperate need of an Auntie Anne’s pretzel. Because of this, I have approximately three outfits outside of work attire. I’m pretty okay with this, as I’d rather spend my money on stupidly expensive cheese and fancy bacon.

However, for some reason I have been struck with the sudden need to seek out as many cute food themed clothing and accessories as possible. I won’t actually buy any of this, since my disposable funds are going towards a trip to Belgium, getting my gums in shape, and spending a stupid amount of money on the 30,000 mile tune up on my new car (why is this a thing!?). But for your viewing pleasure, here are some things I’ll add to my wardrobe when I’m a staff writer for Lucky Peach magazine.

Pretzel necklace from Food52

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Considering my two primary food groups are pretzels and beer cheese, this seems appropriate.

Rosé Shirt from Yes Way Rosé

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Guys, rosé is just where it’s at for summer wine drinking.  If you’re still on the “rosé is tacky and for college kids” train then you haven’t yet lived.

Single Bottle Leather Wine Tote from Bottle Stock

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I often buy purses with their ability to carry a bottle of wine in mind.  This very classy and very unnecessary wine tote will eliminate that need and also look so much more chic than a grocery store brown bag.

Count Blessings Not Calories Shirt from Inked Shop

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Anytime someone starts talking about diets or counting calories my eyes glaze over quicker than a box of donuts. This will help get the message of my boredom across without speaking, which is just so 2014.

Cook’s Conversion Cuff from Uncommon Goods

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This might become a serious need in my life.  So badass looking and it is a cheat sheet for converting measurements.  Now if only I could find a spare $89 in my couch cushions…

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